Top of the Blog: BALL HONEYS was my nights at home that became pure torture. There was nothing I could do to get Ellen out of my mind. Our last precious days together were wasting away at an alarming rate. I couldn't even get a chance to talk to her. We hadn't slept together since last Friday and I was masturbating several unsatisfying times a night. One night I woke up in a sweat thinking I'd left for college again already, but my bleak reality was almost as bad. When it was all added up the pressure on me was nearly unbearable.